First, and last.
Week 1 is over.
It feels surreal. The first week of my final semester here.
It feels like I can’t shake off this inertia. Feels like summer break wasn’t long enough, feels like I haven’t met enough people back home, I haven’t spent enough time with the babies, I didn’t have enough time with the (ex)firemen.
I like that we’ve been whatsapp-ing everyday, it makes me smile reading the messages. But it also reminds me why I don’t like initiating contact with people who are far away, people who I know I can’t meet anytime soon.
Because I’m fine on my own in a foreign country, far away. Most of the time I am; whatever problems, whatever difficulties, I’m fine dealing with them on my own.
But it’s when conversations with people I miss end, that I feel that distance between us the most. That’s when I feel that longing and that emptiness, and it paralyzes me for a while each time. Because I don’t know how to deal with that feeling of missing someone so much.
It’s selfish, but that is why I rather hear less from you, because it’s always the hardest right after the conversation ends, and I no longer hear your voice, or read your messages.
